Discovering Your Purpose
How I discovered my purpose after dropping out of college with no plan
Do you know your purpose in life? I mean, really, truly know your purpose — your heart’s deepest desire?
Before I tell you how I discovered my purpose, let me tell you what lead me there.
Pre-Life
Prior to discovering my purpose, I was convinced the traditional school-to-work path was the way to go.
I never thought too hard about it; I did not consider alternatives. The only narrative in my head was ‘academia-is-the-way-to-success’.
I did not know what my purpose was. I did not have one. I never thought about it, actually.
I was too focused on getting to the next step: the next exam, the next grade, the next class, the next school. The crazy thing is I did not even have an end goal in mind. Even crazier, I unconsciously (and wrongly) convinced myself I enjoyed what I was doing.
The truth is, I was constantly suffering in the present moment in hopes of a better future. I was following a narrow, well-defined societal path. I hated what I was doing, but I wasn’t aware I hated what I was doing.
It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I realized I was not on the right path and was forced to make a change..
My Awakening
I started graduate school in Economics, excited to be on the last leg of my academic journey. But during this time, I started having trouble sleeping.
I clearly remember the crippling experience of laying in bed for hours not being able to fall asleep. It is tough to write about this because it brings up such dark memories. I would crawl into bed exhausted and ready to sleep.
But I could not fall asleep.
My mind simply would not shut off- I had a never-ending stream of thoughts cycling through my head. Random memories from years ago would suddenly come to mind.
It was not only one night, or even a couple nights. It was every night. For months. I went months only sleeping 2–3 hours per night.
Sometimes I would be awake for 2–3 days straight.
Having gone through this for months, I had lost all hope of sleeping and feeling like a normal human being; I was certain I was simply going to have to cope with it and accept it as my new norm.
I doubted I would ever recover and I sincerely did not think I would survive. I thought I would pass out from exhaustion one day and never wake up.
Ironically, insomnia ended up being my wake-up call.
Well that, and the epiphanic, life-changing moment people like to envision.
I was falling asleep in a lecture in which we were doing a complicated analysis of something so trivial that no one in the real world would ever care about — typical grad school stuff.
My Revelation
While sitting in that lecture, I had the most profound revelation:
“What am I doing here️⁉️”
In that particular moment, I fully grasped how detached academia was from reality and everything I learned up to that point was simply not going to come together to form the magnificent constellation of knowledge-infused clarity I had imagined.
It never was.
I also discovered I hated what I was doing because I was not self-aware; I was not passionate about analyzing data and creating models. I hated it.
I realized I needed to change my path and take care of myself.
This realization took me five years, but I am fortunate I realized this before I was much further in my life and career, because it would have been more challenging to pivot.
I stood up in the middle of the lecture, grabbed my backpack, and walked out the door, ready to embark on a new life path.
Discovering My Purpose
I left graduate school with no plan. I had no idea what to do next.
All I knew was I needed to get healthy and figure out how to sleep again.
My body and mind were shutting down, so my priority was simply getting healthy and pulling myself out of the hole I was in.
Once I recovered enough to function like a normal human being, I started going to community events in my city. I stumbled upon some startup and entrepreneurial events. I loved going to these and hearing founder’s stories about how how and why they started their companies.
I loved connecting with people, but the process was tedious. During one of these events, I had an app idea which would alleviate the frustrating aspects of connecting with new people.
This app idea filled me with a sense of purpose: I was set on a mission to build an app which would help people connect.
I taught myself how to program so I could fulfill my purpose. I developed a passion for software engineering because of my purpose.
I discovered my purpose by chance.
Insights 🦉
Discovering Your Purpose is Not a Science, it’s an Art
When I was building an app to help people discover their purpose, my friend asked me, “How do you discover your purpose?”
I thought about it for awhile, and I struggled to come up with a good answer. I ended up telling him that I really did not know how to go about finding your purpose; all I could tell him was my story of how I found my purpose. I think he was looking for some sort of method, or steps he could take to help him discover his purpose.
You may discover your purpose in an instant like I did, or it may take many years of work.
It may appear to you in life’s small moments, or it may gradually reveal itself over time. The important thing is to be open to receiving the universe’s whispers.
Discovering your purpose is not a science, it’s an art; there is no step-by-step guide to finding your purpose.
You May Need to Hit Rock Bottom Before you Discover your Purpose
It was not until insomnia nearly killed me that I was forced to change my life. I was in a dark, miserable place: I was sure I was going to die from sleep exhaustion, and since there seemed to be no hope of getting better, I wanted to, also.
Unfortunately, you may need to be pushed to your breaking point before you make a significant change.
We are so stubborn. Sometimes it is only when we hit rock-bottom that we can begin to rise up again.
The Deeper You Know Yourself, the Easier it is to Discover your Purpose
Once I left school and was recovering from insomnia, I started practicing meditation. Meditation helped me to discover truths about myself.
But more than anything, just having a lot of time to sit with myself and my thoughts without having the stress of school or work enabled me to know myself at a deeper level. This knowledge made it easier to discover my passions, too.
If you give yourself time in silence, you can discover a lot about your inner workings.
The more time you sit with yourself and work to know yourself at a deeper level, the easier it will be to discover your purpose and passions.
Actionable Steps
Here are a few practical things that may help you discover your purpose:
Sit with yourself in silence for 10 minutes each day. Listen to what the world is telling you.
Try something new each week. Write an article. Draw a picture. Anything.
Expose yourself to new events. Sign up for a new class.
The important thing here is to stay open.
Resources
Check out the meditation app Calm for guided meditations to help you discover your purpose.
Want more?
This article is part of a series on purpose discovery. Check out the entire series and subscribe to the Insight Owl newsletter.
Part I : Discovering Your Purpose : How I discovered my purpose after dropping out of college with no plan
Part II : Losing Your Purpose : I lost my purpose and it crushed me
Part III : Approaching Your Purpose : How I got closer to my truer purpose
Part IV : Owning Your Purpose : How I give my greatest gifts to the world by living my purpose
“Kn(owl)edge is insight, insight is kn(owl)edge” — The Insightful Owl